The NFL vs. the New England Patriots , 2008. Case nearly closed.

How else to explain the fate that awaits the Pats. An 11-5 record and out of the playoffs. Believe it, this conspiracy thrives.

And no one can fall on a ``lone gunman'' theory because the entire NFL's in on this, all 31 opponents, plus CBS, FOX, ESPN, NFL Network, commissioner Roger Goodell and Don Shula, too, shouting, ``Payback for the snowplow game!''

You'd think the Pats would be one of those feel-good stories any league would love to glorify. Unknown Matt Cassel replacing reigning MVP Tom Brady and playing like a bona fide Pro Bowler while guiding an injury-wracked team.

But the NFL wants no more of the Pats, no more of Bill Belichick, no more of their championships past. You'd think blowing the Super Bowl in February was enough, but noooooo, the conspirators want torture, and this season has been just that.

A team like the frosted Cardinals are in the playoffs, the probable 8-8 Chargers too, and either the Vikings or Bears will make it.

Now the final and most barbaric part of the plot. The Jets and Dolphins get to be executioners in a fraud game that will crush the Pats' hope for a playoff berth and put Miami in. That's a Dolphins team the Pats hung 48 points and 525 yards on just a month ago.

The torture reaches its most excruciating moment Sunday.

Conspiracy? You bet.

Life Without Tom, Week 17:

Patriots (-6 1/2) at Buffalo - As part of the devious plan above, the Pats get to run up 40 more points in another rout, then turn on the TV. Pats, 41-21.

A Happy New Year:

Oakland (+13) at Tampa Bay - What a great, late Christmas gift for the Bucs. The Raiders, at home, for a possible playoff berth. Buccaneers, 30-10.

Detroit (+9 1/2) at Green Bay - Christmas spirit lingers. The Lions win! Well, at least, beat the spread. Lions 20-17.

Dallas (+1 1/2) at Philadelphia - ``I don't even want to discuss that,'' Cowboys coach Wade Phillips said about his future. There'll be no discussion. See ya. Eagles, 24-20.

N.Y. Giants (+6 1/2) at Minnesota - Your eyes are not blurry. The Vikings are the favorites, as the Giants take the week off. But still . . . Giants, 23-20.

Chicago (+2 1/2) at Houston - Bears join the Vikes in losing, ending all playoff hopes, and cementing the NFC North as the most boring. Texans, 27-17.

Carolina (-3) at New Orleans - The Saints haven't beaten anybody worth anything all year, even with record-hunting QB Drew Brees. Panthers, 24-17.

St. Louis (+14 1/2) at Atlanta - The miracle in Atlanta plays out with just reward, a mercy killing of the Rams. Falcons, 34-10.

Kansas City (+3) at Cincinnati - These teams' coaches hope the no-shows are kept to a minimum . . . in the locker rooms, not the stands. Chiefs, 30-24.

Jacksonville (+12 1/2) at Baltimore - This week, the Jags' personnel director quit, an assistant coach was fired and two veterans were waived. Guess their season is over. Ravens, 27-7.

Tennessee (-3) at Indianapolis - Buy a program, fans. This game plays out like an opening exhibition game, no names of interest involved. Colts, 20-17.

Cleveland (+10 1/2) at Pittsburgh - Ex-Steelers coach Bill Cowher is rumored on his way to save the Browns. Not after he sees this. Steelers, 23-6.

Miami (+3) at N.Y. Jets - Jets boss Eric Mangini on job security: ``That isn't a focal point for me.'' Lately, coaching hasn't been either. Jets 24-20.

Seattle (+6) at Arizona - Basking in the glory of the desert sun, the Cards thaw out and save some self-respect. Cardinals, 28-14.

Washington (+3) at San Francisco - Fans in these cities started thinking baseball a while ago, but what for? 49ers, 23-18.

Denver (+8) at San Diego - One of these teams is headed to the playoffs. Disgusting! Chargers, 34-20.

Last week: 6-10

Season: 104-123-6

- jlazar@bostonherald.com